Why should I tell my survivor story?
In the fight against domestic violence, for many years the emphasis has been on understanding the seriousness of violent situations that society trivializes, sometimes even by those who are supposed to intervene. It is difficult to overcome violence without outside support and precisely in order to mobilize this support, most information materials about domestic violence show the woman as a victim, defenseless. In the news, the emphasis is often on dramatic situations, in which lives are lost due to domestic violence. These are real situations and we need to be aware of them first of all.
But the effect of these images on women facing violence can be discouraging and demotivating. They already feel isolated and alone, so if they only see news about other victims with ruined lives, they will feel even more helpless. We also need success stories, which inspire confidence in women’s strength to overcome situations of violence and motivate them to seek support. We don’t invent this strength – it is there, used most of the time to function day after day, despite violence: the strength to wake up, go to work, take care of those around you – children, parents – without alarming them. The most motivating thing is the example of someone who has gone through this experience. That is why A.L.E.G. created the #SiEuReusec program in which women tell their stories of surviving.
To discover the survivor within, a victim of violence needs the help of those around, but also specialized support. We were their voices for many years, before launching the #ȘiEuReușesc program. We applaud every victory of a woman towards a peaceful life and we are there to respond to any person who is not yet ready to take this step. Whenever necessary. We are sometimes left speechless in front of the courage and strength of the survivors because we do not know anyone who is more resilient than that. We wanted to show the whole world that victims of violence are not weak, that they are people like me, and like you, but who have an extraordinary strength to believe that there is life after suffering.
We wanted these success stories to become an echo of voices saying “me too, me too,” ever stronger and more present in the mind of the one in need. To show that, despite the shame and guilt that comes with going through violence, there is always someone who can offer a kind word or even support.
And, having made this step from victim to survivor, it is important to pass on the wisdom of the experience of transformation. As Kathrime May said about sharing your own experiences, in one of our favorite books, Winters of the Soul:
(Talking about your story) It’s an exchange where no one loses. (…) it can involve breaking a lifelong habit, one carefully passed down through generations: that of looking at other people’s misfortunes and being certain that they brought them upon themselves in a way that you never would. This is not just an unpleasant attitude. It hurts us, because it prevents us from learning that disasters really do happen and how we can adapt when they do. It stops us from reaching out to those who are suffering. And when our own disaster comes, it forces us into a humiliated retreat, while we try to hunt for mistakes we never made or wrong attitudes we never had. Either that, or we become certain that there must be someone out there to blame. (…) we learn that life is often damn unfair, but it keeps happening with or without our consent. We learn to look more kindly on the crises of others, because they are so often harbingers of our own future.
At the end of every story of a survivor you read, there is another person with a similar life story. A person who until now has only told herself it happens to me. I deserve the abuse and I can’t see my life any other way and who, after reading the story, can change the thread of thoughts to: I can ask for help too. If she succeeded, so can I.
Read all their stories here.